Who needs enemies with friends like Michael?

I started a new job in car sales six months ago, right before one of the worst winters in Minnesota in many years, and perennially the slowest time of year. I didn't know what I was doing so Michael took me under his wing. I'm not here to say disparaging things about others, but now I remember why I don't have any friends. I sure know how to pick them.

I wanted to get out of sales but instead decided to hop back in the shark tank. There's those delusions of grandeur at work. "I can do any sort of sales, I'm a great salesman," I told myself.

I make $7.25/hour draw against commission, paid weekly. That's $365/week. In simple math, if I sell two cars in a given week I gross about $350 if it has any profit in the deal, and many new car sales don't. "Minis" (minimal pay per a new car deal), pay about $150. So, two car sales a week and I'm still making $7.25/hour for a 50 hour week. In this compensation program there is no overtime pay.

Last month I didn't make much more than minimum. The month before I couldn't even make rent. In the six months I've been there, with the original sales staff of eleven, we're down to nine salesmen and I've seen six salesmen get let go or quit. I'm fourth in seniority!

I was put on probation the last week of last month. I have two weeks to go to really put out some huge sales numbers or I could be out of another shitty job. During my last month there, barring some sort of a miracle, I'm now a glorified greeter in the service department. If the service customers have a car payment and can get into a new car without raising their payments much, I'm the one to get them from waiting for an oil change to driving out with a $25,000 car. Or, if they get an estimate for $6,000 of needed repairs and it has more than 140,000 miles, maybe it's time for a new one. I'm that guy.

I no longer get to greet any customers who walk right up, (called an "UP"), in the front door, that's for the others to get that low hanging fruit. Michael helped orchestrate my new job description and assigned himself my overseer/boss, with management's approval. I must confess I don't work well under close scrutiny, but who does?

Last night I spotted a young couple who worked with me a few months ago on the sales floor. I said hi, started rehashing what I recalled about the lost sales transaction, which didn't work in my favor, (they bought a Ford Fusion), etc. Michael came and stood next to me as I was talking to them. This wasn't an UP, this was a former customer, even though I didn't sell them anything.

Worried that the sales manager may take this deal away from me completely I graciously turned them over to Michael, telling him at least I'd get something out of it. This morning I asked Michael how it went down and asked if I was in on the deal. He was belligerent about it, wondering why I would wonder such a preposterous thing. I'm betting me made well over $500 on that deal alone.

• What to do, what to do? 
• Keep your enemies close and your friends closer. 
• Am I going to confront him? 
• Well, I'm not going to fetch his copies from the copy machine anymore. 
• Will I survive without his daunting, controlling, sarcastic support? 
• I think so, or it's self-fulfilling prophesy to think I won't, and idiot or sick or mentally ill to not prepare for the inevitable. 
• I do not have enough money to miss one single paycheck. 
• Hey, my delusions of grandeur will kick in, with denial right behind, and I'll be shocked if I get laid off after Memorial Day.

Welcome to my world. 

My first three unpublished books were part fiction. Why would I make this stuff up? The title of my second novel was T.B.T.B.F. (Too Bizarre to be Fiction) because my life is.