Dear Lord, make the decision an easy one.

While at the Twins game with my granddaughter and her aunt, my other daughter, I got this text from Michael.

"So cool news. Feldmann has sold Nissan franchise and store will move to Eden prairie. Closing 60 to 90 days out."

Needless to say, I'm concerned and my churning stomach is in direct correlation to that concern.

FIVE HOURS LATER:

All the talk is "so what are YOU going to do?" I think denial would be nothing less than massochistic at this point. That milfoil harvester is looking like a dream job. I am so tired of the stress.

There is nothing I want more right now than to escape this anxiety and be mindful during something healthy to keep from anticipating the near future. They will be interviewing us all in the next couple weeks so if they are asking for proof of production I'm toast, my sales tanked since moving me to service. He'll, I'm toast on so many levels anyway.  

What to do, what to do? I just took a full dose, (instead of half a tablet), of the Buspirone for starters. I get to make that decision myself, according to my shrink. And I was just starting to feel in balance I think. I feel in balance. Compared to what? So much for that perspective until the smoke clears again. Damn, I'm stressed out.

Here is my ongoing battle in real time, i.e.  when the anxiety increases in stressful times like this, isn't that normal? And if so, should I temper that natural level of anxiety by increasing my doses of Buspirone so I don't feel the increased anxiety? And to top this off, my therapist is moving on in a month so I won't have a sympathetic ear. I just heard that news yesterday.

One philosophy I was able to use to my self-destructive advantage in situations like this was to invoke the AA philosophy, "one day at a time." I'm not going to look for a job today, so I'll put that thought on the shelf, go home, hop on my bike, put on Pandora, look for a camera shot, and tune out as I get my much needed exercise as I drive the 17 miles around the lakes. Ahh... Denial, cleanse my soul at least today. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. One day at a time. 

Wait, what was the title of this post? Make the decision an easy one? It's pretty black and white, I'm hosed. I have to do something soon, but not now, not tonight, and not on Saturday and I might have a date on Sunday. 

Maybe I could postpone the personals for awhile? Hmmm...

In the other hand, if (not when? WTF?) I do delve back into the job market I could use a woman's company as a wonderful escape. No, I don't need the drama queen, been there, done that. Sex? That does keep me mindful. Obsession is a form of mindfulness, isn't it?