Is all this negativity bipolar related?

I haven't spoken to Michael today. He sent a text last night saying, "You don't love me anymore..." I didn't respond.

The nice weather is bringing more shoppers in off the street (ups) but I don't get any of those. I'm the official greeter in the service waiting area and not confident the service advisers like me bothering them with, "Did John Miller show up yet?" The owner of the dealership has said all service customers are to get a handshake and a smile but now I'm on my own with no support and feeling as though the walls are caving in on me, which is odd because I'm not claustrophobic.

On the other hand, this diatribe I'm writing now is being composed a few minutes after taking my mid-day dose of Buspirone and Delakote, which should kick in soon. But then what, will I still feel this anxiety? Isn't that a normal feeling in hell like this? 

Am I in complete denial that I will be let go at the end of the month? Why am I not frantically looking for another job? I was riding around Lake Calhoun recently and had a conscious thought, as delusional as it was, that I would love to be the guy who harvests milfoil. In the winter I could ride the Zamboni!

Should I talk with Michael about betraying our friendship? I over-rehearse those types of conversations, and the latest I've come up with is along the lines of, "Friends don't do what you did, Michael. I told you I have a hard time trusting people but now that issue is laid to rest between us. I don't trust you anymore."  The more caustic thing I could say is, "I was told by three different reps to watch my back regarding you. I thought I knew better. I sure know how to pick 'em. That's why I don't have a lot of friends."  At least this new relationship will mean I won't be fetching copies from the copy machine anymore. I was doing that as a friend.

I am off in three hours, then off all day tomorrow. I babysit my granddaughter from 10:00 so I won't be wrapped up in my own brain but again, shouldn't I be more self-aware that I'm in a volatile situation?

What to do, what to do? I have therapy in the morning. That will be interesting.  Then I have a coffee meet-up at 6:00. That should also be interesting.