Some things change, some remain the same. I still have trouble sleeping and I'm still adjusting my meds. I was doing pretty well on the Lamictal alone, nothing additional to sleep except 10 mg of Melatonin. But environmental forces were working against me, and sleep has been hard to come by.
So my shrink put me on Carbamazepine (Tegretol) 200 mg. More drugs, more side effects.
WHAT ARE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF TEGRETOL?
Common side effects of Tegretol include:
- nausea,
- vomiting,
- dizziness,
- drowsiness,
- dry mouth,
- swollen tongue,
- loss of balance or coordination, or
- unsteadiness.
What are the long term effects of carbamazepine?
I already have dry mouth, dizziness, and loss of balance and unsteadiness. WTF? And I just bought the best Stand-up Paddle-board (SUP) on the market!
I also tricked out my Sienna to fit that and the fishing kayak I've modified greatly.
I also bought a trailer for my kayak. I can lift it over my head and carry it like a canoe on a portage, but this way, I can put all my stuff in there!
I've been busy! But I'm not sleeping, why?
Environmental influences:
- This year would have been the 5th year I went up to the BWCA to fish with my youngest brother, Dwight. Instead, he went with his Georgia buddies. I pleaded with him, said, "Blood is thicker than water," (an old family saying), but he didn't budge. He thought it would be a good substitute to go on July 14th.
Dwight has been going to the BWCAW since '97. He knows where to go, and when to go. It's Ensign Lake the week before Memorial Day. Reason: Less bugs and more fish!
So, that set me back. I went all manic rants on him and his Georgia Trumplet buddies in a creative, and over the top thread. I deleted it because I don’t want to know what I said. I text things I later cannot believe I extend. Worse than that, sarcasm is not viable by text, especially when I’m not being sarcastic. I guess they didn't want me to gloat in the trip? It would have been the last time I’d be going with them, just saw the light after I felt betrayed. The saddest thing is that Dwight, (a.k.a. Ginger), has no idea how much it hurt, or the really hurtful feeling, he sort of bought my way the last four years as ballast, or charity. - I just didn't make Dwight's top 5 list for his trip. He'd paid for my trips the last 4 years, so I probably overreacted a bit when I Venmoed $1,800 back to him with the simple statement: I don't want your charity and my name is Stephen, not Beaver.
- Dwight has lambasted our older sister, Cynthia, for her actions way back years ago, when she took Dwight's daughter to NYC. The trip was a disaster but the biggest thing to come out of it was that, according to my niece, Cynthia said to her that her dad, Dwight, was gay.
- Cynthia was out in Oregon with Mark last week and I decided, if I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I better get to the bottom of this as well. That didn't go well. But Mark described behavior of Cynthia's, like hugging complete strangers DURING A PANDEMIC, and being way over the top as an extrovert. Takes one to know one, our sister has Bipolar II disorder. She's been self-medicating for decades, i.e. total pot-head, and I skirted the issue but the main thing I guess I was trying to point out is that she's a liar.
- I called Bob and Mel and whined to them about Dwight. Then I asked Bob if they'd been vaccinated. And I quote, "If everybody else gets vaccinated, I won't have to." He then went into a diatribe about his sister in California says don't do it!
So I sent a text saying if he won't do it for me, he should do it for America. - Excited for the weekend! I'm going to be glamping for 4 nights, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, through the Memorial Day weekend, at one of my new favorite spots, Baker Campground. I'll be alone Friday and Saturday, then the family is all coming out Sunday, and the Bells are going to stay that night.
This will be my version of Nomadland, in that I'll be out there with all the rest of the campers. Okay, not at all like it but I'll be camping and my list of activities include, but not limited to:
- Fishing
- Paddle-boarding
- Biking
- In-line skating
- Cooking
- Making Pop-can crafts.
- Yeah, I'll be busy. And I'm bring some dope so I'll probably be high all day, everyday cuz, you know, vacation!
- My insomnia happens when I get up to pee, and can't, or simply won't go back to sleep. It was dominated by Dwight and my disappointment in him. Not just the act, but his inability to even acknowledge my pain. Then along came a couple days of Cynthia dominating my mind.
This is a sleep chart showing something that might be interesting. That night I slept 6.5 hours was the first time in exactly two weeks that I smoked dope. I smoked a lot and grazed on all the pogey bait I could shove down my throat. I woke yesterday and, unlike that last year, where the longest I went without smoking was 5 days, I didn't crave it. NOT because I didn't want it, but because abstaining for awhile makes the buzz much better.
When I was smoking everyday, the euporia was temporary and basically the first buzz of the day. After that, a waste of money to just maintain a mild buzz. But in my defense, being stoned kept the demons away. My mind was cynical about everybody and everything, and nobody deserves that, including me.
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